I feel like I'm in dance class right now
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
