addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
