Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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