i think my tv is drunk
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
