Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
