i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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