return my video game
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
