her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
