Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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