if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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