i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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