so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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