At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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