am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize