lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize