either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
