Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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