I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
