What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
