i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
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My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
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I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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