If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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