1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
