I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
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I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
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2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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