STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
