She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
