Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
false alarm, still single
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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