his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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