im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
