i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
