eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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