i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
