she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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