Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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