Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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