Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
