i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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