I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
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What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
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No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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