sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize