i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
