I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
