Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
