Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
