All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
