His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
