By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
tell me about the fingering
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