i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
