Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
