So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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