I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
