I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
