Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
