my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
