Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
