Screwed.edu
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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