the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
