3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
