Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Floor bacon is actually really good
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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