I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Randomize
